Just fell off a train. Bad.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
