I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
