How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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