i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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