i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
