...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
