You can't special order awesome
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
