you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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