don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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