i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
