Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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