you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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