I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
