Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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