No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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