Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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