Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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