Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
