Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize