Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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