I think i peed on brittanys purse
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
