my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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