On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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