He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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