Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
