everyone is single if you try hard enough
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
