She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
