So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
