im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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