Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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