Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
