remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
