I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
