i may or may not be watching the land before time
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
It's just like the Real World with babies
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
