Pappa wants mamma naked
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
