wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
