you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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