You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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