I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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