I have demons in me.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
