Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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