True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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