sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
