Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
