We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
