Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
