the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You have to summon your inner elephant
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
