ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
