3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
