I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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