Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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