Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
