You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
