He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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