Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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