apparently the secret to your success is patron
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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