"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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