As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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