If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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