last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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