Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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