I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
