I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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