Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
