hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
