just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I wish i was in the wii world.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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