____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
