There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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