You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
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