My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
