College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize