My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
